In a fog

Not sure exactly what I want to write here... it's been a strange few weeks...

I guess I'll just give you the short version.

August:

• Thursday 23rd to Sunday 26th we went out to Gilgandra and spent the weekend helping Alastair's brother and sister-in-law get their house cleaned up and ready to put on the market. It was a massive weekend, I came home exhausted and aching in all sorts of places I never knew I had.
• Monday 27th I did a pregnancy test and got a positive result - I was 5 weeks pregnant, and we were so excited! Baby due 30th April 2013.
• Tuesday 28th - rang the hospital to book in to the Wollongong Hospital Midwives Group Program. If you don't get in early you miss out.
• Wednesday 29th went to the Dr and had all the routine blood tests you get done when you find out you're pregnant... but then that afternoon started bleeding.
• Thursday 30th - Anthea's 1st birthday. Went to ladies bible study in the morning and asked them to pray for me and the new baby because I was worried I was having a miscarriage.
• Friday 31st - had to drop Alastair in town early, then dropped Annie off at my mother's group before going to pick Alastair's dad up from a Dr's appointment (he had been in hospital with a gall bladder attack the week before)... turns out he'd had some bad news: there was a tumour on the gall bladder which has attached itself to his liver (which is 3.4cm - having grown from 3mm a couple of months ago), as well as a cyst in one of his kidneys, so he's waiting for a specialist appointment now. Then I got back to mother's group 10 mins before it ended and fell to pieces, thankfully in a place where the people know me well. Alastair came home at lunchtime to look after me and Annie, as we were pretty sure it was a miscarriage.
• Saturday 1st/Sunday 2nd - a quiet weekend thankfully, with Father's Day as well. My parents and sister came down for lunch, so that was really nice.

Most of September has been a bit of a blur, (my birthday included), miscarriage confirmed, Anthea's 12 month immunisations... all sorts of stuff. Such a strange time, with such a lot of mixed feelings and emotions. It feels like a fog.... a surreal sort of feeling. I wanted to talk about it, but didn't want to hear any more of the trite "your baby was not meant for this world" or "perhaps it was deformed/handicapped" comments which people seem to think are comforting. I do have a few lovely friends who actually just listened when I needed to talk though, so that is a blessing. And now life goes on...